Friday, November 21, 2008

What happened to all that love?

I woke up this morning and suddenly remembered the initial days when my husband and I are started going out. It was a beautiful feeling of being in love. I used to look forward to the day at night and keep my cell phone right beside me so that I would not miss a call from him. I used to come out of class and immediately check my phone for any missed calls. Every day felt like a walk in a beautiful park. I had a smile on my face for no reason. I could sit through a boring class with his thoughts on my mind. I sit here and wonder as I write what happened to all that love. Did it fade away or am I caught up in some bad dream that I have looped my life around it. I want to feel like that again, I want to look forward to him coming home every Friday. I want to be like that old me again. I have so much love to give yet I hesitate. I dreamt of this beautiful relationship that we would cherish together, something like my Mom and Dad have. I have never seen two people being so much in love and being so expressive about it. My Dad constantly appreciates my Mom and my Mom showers her unconditional love upon him , its like I feel whole when I am amidst them. I want to be like that and I working towards being like that but I cannot control my thoughts, thoughts of me possibly having a better life if I was single, but I want to be with my husband , the problem is I have strings attached. I see him as a woman hater and I look for signs to prove me wrong. May be I am missing the fact that my actions lead to his opinions about women. I am aware of it sometimes I work towards it and sometimes I fumble, does fumbling once takes me back to square one again. Isn’t there room for empathy?

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